>the inherent intimacy of sharing a sketchbook

>>For the past three and a half years now it's been my habit to carry around a sketchbook, my sketchbook, wherever I go, on the off chance I get the time or inspiration to draw or doodle. I know I picked up this habit from somewhere, probably some corner of the internet, but by now I have no idea. Now, I think that taking this sketchbook around has been one of the best things for my art for so many different reasons and I feel that any artist, no matter if they’ve been doing art for years or are just learning, should put in the effort of carrying a sketchbook around. Those of you who don’t make art(for some reason) but especially those who don't make the type of art that can go in sketchbooks may not understand why, when I make this suggestion to others, I almost always get pushback. There are two specific reasons why: What happens when you say you do some type of art? (and I mean art of any kind, be it physical, writing, etc.) And What is a sketchbook?
>>If you create then you probably already know the answer to the first question, but if you don't then ask yourself what one of the first questions you think to ask after somebody introduces themself as an Artist or as a Writer? I would say that most of the time you wonder of ask about what exactly they make, and there is no fault in you asking this question and I personally like getting to share my art. But then, why are you writing this? Sharing a sketchbook is just sharing your art, isn't it? I wouldn’t say so.
>>A sketchbook is often used as an umbrella for any type of drawing paper that is bound together, but that is not the way that I was taught to see a sketchbook. A true sketchbook is where you put down anything you want, it's your doodles and sketches (hence the name) and, at least from what I assume, was traditionally made to house the ideas for a final piece somewhere else. What I use my sketchbook for is slightly different from that, I have many finished pieces hiding in there that I adore and are some of my favorite things but right alongside them are stalled ideas and concepts that will probably never be finished. There are pages of practice and pages full of doodles in class, random silhouettes of my classmates and friends from when I was bored or when my hands were simply still too long.
>>So many artists, even (and sometimes especially) those you may think are so amazing are plagued by the fear of so-called ‘bad art’. As you can probably tell I have a very high opinion of that term, yet it's still an idea that I've been fighting for years. When you make ‘good’ art and you have people complementing it there's a very common perceived pressure that all of the art you produce absolutely must be the best thing you've made, or at least ‘good’. I mean seriously you made that even your quick doodles must be so good! It also unfortunately goes hand in hand with the idea that artists are simply born good at art, or at least with a natural proclivity to ‘do it well’. This is a bunch of bullshit. The people who you may think of naturals still had to practice, they had to hone skills and learn things about color and composition. If you think that you will never be a ‘good’ artist no matter what kind, just know that all you need to do is practice and I promise you will see results. I have gone on a bit of a tangent so im gonna reel it back in to my point. If the sketchbook that you carry around is full of most of the art you make, and people who notice it often ask to see it, and most artists create but are often scared of others knowing they make ‘bad’ art the problem is clear.
>>The easiest solution is just to never let people see, which is something I did for a while, but sometimes I'm really proud of something and I want to show it off, or people see just my virtue of you using the sketchbook as intended in a public space. Never showing people only works to a point. You could also just show off the ‘good’ stuff but… that can be so much work. Eventually, at some point, I handed the whole thing to one of my best friends. It was (and honestly still is) some of the most nerve wracking things I've ever done. The whole time I was torn between searching her face for any reactions to looking away and ignoring anything she was doing. Then, as we were sitting with others at a school event, someone I was much less close with leaned over her shoulder. This was much worse. I don't know if I sold how much this sketchbook means to me earlier. My sketchbooks are an extension of myself, my brain, my emotions, everything. There are so many hours poured into each one that I can't even believe it sometimes. And it almost felt like an invasion to have someone look without my express permission.
>>It's hard to put into words why I didn't just snatch back the sketchbook, I think I wanted to, but it's probably some combination of people-pleasing tendencies and a desire to be known that I refrained. I sat back. Now when people ask I often let them take a look, they flip right past the ‘bad’ stuff most of the time, they compliment the pieces that obviously took time and talent they don't think they could ever have. On occasion however the odd individual, often my close friends, will comment on the ‘bad’ stuff, the quick doodles, the occasional attempt to intentionally create something ‘bad’. They’ll make a quick comment of ‘what's this??’ followed by a little laugh. I won't lie. It really fucking hurts. And I know that if I had told my friend how much it hurt she would have apologised, i know that she, and everyone else who made similar comments, had no idea what the impact of their words was because they were not artists, they are not necessarily privy to what art of any kind represents to the artist. Especially the first few times people made comments, and even now when people get to pages like that I watch them more intensely than on the pages I'm proud of or the pages everyone tends to like. But time and exposure has helped, I feel less pressure (though not much) to always be creating something amazing and I hate that society has made everybody afraid of creating because of the idea that it's only worthwhile if it's ‘good’ or if it makes money. I have friends who are learning to draw and are constantly comparing their art to me or to others online, using that to demean their art and that makes me sad, because art should not have to be ‘good’ for you to be proud of it. It's fine to have realism as a goal if you want but you can't get here overnight and you'll just quit if you're constantly comparing, you have to take your wins and be proud of your art as it evolves (which is sooooo much easier said than done, i know). That is part of the reason for this website and even this collection of ramblings that I'm creating. I have friends who are so amazingly talented in writing and I've always found it ridiculously difficult to get my thoughts from my brain through the keyboard but this is an attempt to just practice getting thoughts and ideas out, make them coherent and connected. This is some of my ‘bad’ art.